I had my 3rd driving lesson this morning. I was filled with self-doubt before the lesson. What if I cut out, what if i didn’t know what gear to slow down to, what if, what if, what if…
I got in the car and noticed that my driver wasn’t in the best of form. Perhaps he is not a morning person. Well I am, even when filled with self-doubt.
I noticed that he wasn’t giving me instructions on when to change gears and when to hit the brakes. I realised that I had to think for myself. Ok, so far, so good.
Then we’re at a pedestrian crossing and I cut out. That’s not too bad. More people got to cross.
Then we drove around a bend and he said to drive towards XX. I saw the sign for XX, but it was soon after the bend, and to be honest, I couldn’t see the turning, and between him telling me turn and me panicking, the car stalled! He then helped me get the car started (he used the dual control to press the clutch and pulled up the hand brake) and I finally turned at the junction, and it was a sharp turn as I was forward of the junction.
I improved after that and got my roundabout and junction turns ok, but the failure at junction XX really knocked my confidence and I needed the instructor to cheer up a bit (you’d be in bad form if you were teaching me too). I asked him who his next student was and it was a 19-year-old kid called Robbie who had taken 14 double lessons (i.e. 28 lessons in total), and apparently he is really good and is doing his test next month. I felt quite like the stupid old woman learning to drive and making very little progress in his eyes when comparing to young Robbie.
I came home and bawled my eyes out. Not even a visit from the neighbour’s cat cheered me up.
Hubby doesn’t get what got me so upset. I’ve spent £69 now over 3 lessons. Perhaps it is the perfectionist in me who needs to get everything right even when learning. What if I never get better? Should I just quit now and stick to walking and public transportation? Does London need yet another driver?
Hubby reckons today is probably a turning point for me, i.e. I had to make a lot of mistakes in order to improve. I hope he is right. I’m going to put on my self-pity hat for another 10 minutes, and then cheer up as I have a lot of cooking to do as we’ve invited friends over for dinner and if there is one thing I am good at, it is cooking.